Fork

Fork. When Oliver says this word, it sounds more like the word that really went through my head as I read him his bedtime story tonight. I grabbed "The Sneetches" on our way in to the bedroom. I have found, since having Oliver, that I really enjoy Dr. Seuss books. And Oliver tolerates them. I know that if I keep reading them, that one day they will profoundly influence him in some way and he will fondly remember me as the one who forced - I mean - shared these books with him. Tonight I also learned for the first time that the cover of the book jacket is truthful when it says "and other stories". To this point, we have never actually gotten all the way through The Sneetches which comes first in the book. Oliver usually closes the book for me, signaling that either he is very tired and ready to sleep or that I have over stayed my welcome in his domain. Tonight, however, we kept reading. All the other stories were pretty good, short and sweet. But the one that threw me for a loop was called, "Too Many Dave's." I liked the title right away and found the premise of the story - that the mother had 23 boys and named them all Dave, which later proved to be a bad idea (ya think?) - hilarious. So we read on. And the mom starts listing off the names that she sometimes wished she would have given her sons instead of Dave. Color me surprised when one of the alternate names is..."Oliver Boliver Butt." While I imagine this causes uproarious laughter in some children, Oliver didn't even flinch. But it was then, that "Fork!" sounded in my head. Aside from Smalliver, which O's auntie Karri so lovingly calls him, there aren't many nicknames that can come out of Oliver. Until THIS one was served up on a platter for all his future classmates to call him. My baby!!! I can't imagine how horrible that first day will feel when he comes home from school and tells me that someone called him "Oliver Boliver Butt." How his head will hang and his sad eyes will search mine imploringly for why kids can be so cruel. So as any good mother would, I am making it my mission to save him from the future troublemakers. I started out with a google search of "Oliver Boliver Butt" and found that he has a Facebook page and several other random websites and profiles. This tells me that the story is somewhat popular and that people willingly use the moniker. Okay, that is a start. I will need to get him used to the idea of being called this, so when someone says it disparagingly, he can pull out a handy reference sheet, that I have carefully typed up for him, of all the positive press "Oliver Boliver Butt" has gotten. He will be unfazed by the feeble attempt at a put down. And for the very next talent show O will perform the song "OBB" to the tune of Naughty by Nature's "OPP" which I will have rewritten for him to showcase his humor and amazing dance skills. He will not only win the talent show, but also the hearts of his classmates. He will be the next class president and then get into a great college by writing his entrance essay on how he was able to overcome adversity and flourish. Okay, okay. I may be a little bit carried away. I realized I have a few years before I really have to get this defense squared away. So for the time being, he will remain my little "Olligater." (a new nickname by grandpa John).